Lots of Love

Kristen and Baby Sarah

A friend and I were recently discussing the anxiety that accompanies sharing the news of a fourth pregnancy to our parents and extended family.  While our children are all overjoyed for a new sibling, there is a measure of uncertainty in telling the rest of the world.  Why?  Well because its somewhat of a shock to them, and reactions tend to be mixed, which can be rough on the mom.  Not that the family isn't happy to welcome a new baby, but in our culture most people view having lots of little ones as too hard and kind of nuts.  It does require a lot of sacrifice on the part of the mommy and daddy.  And, lets face it, it is HARD!  But the blessings outweigh the challenges by far and here's why:

Sibling Love   My four kids love each other so much.  They play and fight and take care of each other all day long.  When one is gone for a few hours, the others, even the two year old, want to know where the missing child is and when he'll be back.  The older children become interpreters and advocates for the babies and toddlers, and even help in getting them juice and snacks, and putting on their shoes, etc.  For instance, my five year old just got my toddler a popsicle and an ice cream sandwich (grimace) before taking her in the back yard to play. As they grow older, they will continue to provide an unrivaled support system.  I can say for myself that my best friend is my sister, and my husband has six siblings to rely on.  In fact, we always some sort of family to hang out with and call in for back-up.

The Baby   The more children you have, the more you delight in the baby.  The first time I really enjoyed just about every moment with my baby was when number three came along.  There is a learning curve, and  you get soooo much better at figuring out the needs of a newborn and infant after you've done it a few times.  Distinguishing cries and teaching good sleep habits becomes much more natural the more babies you have.   Also, kids get harder as they get older.  My first two are still the most challenging because I am learning on them.  I know with my two year old its just a phase and so I can relax, laugh, and enjoy her unbelievable cuteness. And I can snuggle my baby and relish every little stage and moment of sweet babyhood before she turns two.

The More the Easier  People's eyes often get exceedingly round when I tell them I have four children, and impossibly more round when I tell them the oldest is five.  "How do you do it?" they say, "I can barely handle two".  My response is that the more you have the easier it becomes.  How is that possible?  First of all, see above.  Second of all, you are no longer the sole entertainment for your children.  I find it mind numbingly boring to play imaginary games, cars, or dolls with small children.  When they have more than one sibling they always have a playmate even if they aren't getting along with one of them, and I can do my thing (e.g. blogging) while they do theirs and we can meet up later to eat together and read stories or play games.  They also learn very young that family life does not revolve around them, that they have to share, and most of all that they have to obey.  My kids are in bed by eight every night and they darn well listen when I tell them to do something (barring a few incidents here and there).  We have had to enforce rules and make them listen and obey or chaos will ensue.  Thus, (more times that not) when I tell my kids to do something, they do it, or else.  Now, I'm not gonna lie, the house is messy, and I do spend a lot of time putting out fires.  But, we share a lot of laughs in the process, and my kids will be better for it.  Think less selfish and more independent as teenagers and young adults than many of their peers.  Besides, when else can you justify going out to play ball after dinner, or going to the pool almost everyday during the Summer.

Lots of Love  On a sad note, as I've gotten older, I have seen much more loss and suffering than I knew existed as a child.  Though the pain of losing a child, spouse, or anyone close is not lessened by having more children, you are surrounded by more little loving consolations.  Lets say you have six kids and God forbid lose two, you still have the consolation of four more to help you through the suffering.  Plus,  the simple reality of having to continue on with life and think about more than your own grief can help you through what only time and God can heal.

Geriatric Care On a final note, when we are old and gray, my husband and I can pretty safely assume at least one of our kids is going to make sure we are well taken care of.  No sitting in nasty old age homes for us.  Also, there will be more of them to divide up the expense if the savings run out, and they have yet another extended support system to lighten the burden.

So, while, some can only see the hardships and sacrifices: being late a lot, an often times messy house, and an occasionally tired and frazzled mommy.  Those of us in the "four (or more) kid scare club", who are open to having more, can see the joy and benefit in the challenges and sometimes chaos.  We can safely set aside the anxiety over what our parents and extended families think, and realize they are just concerned for us because the world tells them its too hard to have a big family. Well yeah its hard, but we can see beyond the exterior challenges knowing that its totally worth it!